you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
