If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
