Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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