Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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