I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
