I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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