Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
