Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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