You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was born a porn star she said
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
