did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
