I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
