you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
