She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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