I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
