SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
