i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize