I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm both gender and math confused
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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