i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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