i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
