bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
