there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
