I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
