So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
