um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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