Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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