I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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