please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
