Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
