Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
