My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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