he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
