Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
