if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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