Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
