so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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