Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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