Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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