the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
