So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
wat bout pragnant strippers??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
