dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
