hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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