Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
