I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
