I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
