dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
