All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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