You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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