you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
