Do you still have your period?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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