Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
