ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
