She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
