we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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