I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we made out on top of his cat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
