I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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