i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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