I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
