why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
