im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
